There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
