good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
