you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
