I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
