She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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