I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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