Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize