he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
