i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
