I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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