I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
