No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
