She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
