worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize