I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
