so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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