Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Randomize
