I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
