i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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