I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
