Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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