she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
