can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
