I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
