she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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