That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Did we literally take a cab across the street
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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