This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
