she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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