Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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