Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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