you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
