I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
the raccoons are back...
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