dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
