I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
