It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
