hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
