So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
