My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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