u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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