just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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