She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
As shirtless as possible
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
