I will die if light touches me.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
