I will die if light touches me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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