apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
