get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
