Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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