So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
