I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
