i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
