I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize