Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
