I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
