If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
True strength comes from lack of pants
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
