Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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