I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
