I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
