You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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