my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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