then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
