Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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