i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
