If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
