I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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