Can Purell be used as lube?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
