I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize