I'm drive I can fine osifer
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
