didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
