watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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