are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
