Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
