did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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