I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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