I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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