a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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