dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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